These questions are hard to answer, because most of the time I don't know how to respond. Sure, I've been back in the U.S. for over a month now, but I'm still very much in the midst of transition in every way. I'm still thinking through and processing what I experienced in Ivory Coast, and what my life looks like now in light of that. I'm loving spending time catching up with my family, and especially can't get enough time with my 2-year-old niece. And I'm also having to put energy into the logistical details of this next stage of life--finding a job, securing housing, paying bills... It's a lot. And most of the time it's good, but it's not always easy.
I thought I was prepared for re-entry, thought that I knew what to expect. But this is one of those situations I don't think anyone can be fully prepared for. It's different for each person, and I've found that my thoughts and feelings about it can change drastically from day-to-day, moment-to-moment. For me, this season has looked like:
- Feeling deep joy at spending Father's Day with my whole immediate family for the first time in years.
- Going to the grocery store for the first time and being amazed at the sheer quantity and variety of foods (and also shocked by the high prices of fresh produce, especially the "large" avocados).
- Wanting to stop by a coffee shop every time I'm out, just because I can.
- Struggling to reach my order in the drive-thru because I've trained myself to use my right hand to give and receive food and money (then reminding myself that it's okay to use my left hand in America).
- Seeing a small shadow on the bathroom wall and immediately thinking it's a gecko.
- Having a meltdown because I can't find my external hard drive in any of my suitcases, but also knowing that the hard drive isn't really the problem--it's just the general stress of transition.
- Paying for groceries in the self-checkout line and asking my mom, "Are these quarters?"
- Getting excited whenever I see or hear anything in French.
- Staring at a photo taken of me in Ivory Coast and feeling like it was already a lifetime ago.
I miss Ivory Coast deeply, but at the same time I am so happy to be here. That's the difficulty of life in transition.
